What is the most appropriate, politically correct way to work around family members wanting you to wear this, use that, etc. in your wedding?? Especially when it’s your mom? I recently learned what NOT to say...
My mom has NEVER in her life been THAT mom who dreams of her daughter’s (my) wedding day. In fact, as a child she instilled in me the importance of establishing yourself and building a career before ever considering settling down. And while I am still in the early stages, I like to think that I am making her proud by doing just that, while still maintaining a relationship for the past 4 years. I enjoyed a visit at home with my parents a few weekends ago, and I had a great time. But lately my mom, who has like I said NEVER pushed for me to settle down, seems to be experiencing the old “biological clock” that I have yet to experience despite my age and my friends.
It all started innocently enough…”what is Joe’s (boyfriend) middle name?” she asked one afternoon. “Henry”, I replied, “why?” “I was just thinking about baby names for boys….”(SAY WHAT?! *Imagine me trying really hard not to react*.) “Oh, ok mom…” She proceeded to call out all of the boys’ names she could think of that she liked. Later in the weekend we were at the mall shopping, and she decided to shift from boys’ names to girls’ names. Don’t get me wrong, I am more than happy to let her daydream about this all she wants, especially because a lot of them were great and takes the stress off me of trying to come up with these things when the time actually comes!!
This, of course, is all hypothetical. In my mind, a lifetime away, so I am ok with the casual mention of it…Weddings, however is a whole other situation completely, especially when your mom looks you right in the face and tells you “just so you are prepared, Aunt Magee is going to want you to wear your grandma’s pearls on your wedding day…they have been passed down from many years now.” She said it like this would be happening tomorrow, like I had any clue at all or had thought at all about what I was going to wear on my wedding day….”What if they don’t match my outfit?” I asked cautiously. *Imagine the saddest look coming from your mother you have ever seen...then double it.* This, apparently, was not the right thing to say. I should have said yes, ok, no matter what my dress looks like pearls will be around my neck because that is what my aunt wants me to do.
And with that I got my first taste of realizing that a wedding is also about appealing to the masses and not always about what you want. My biggest concern is that the pearls will be the tip of the ice berg, and that everyone around me will have an opinion until my wedding day becomes an amalgamation of what everyone else wanted, with no semblance of what WE wanted (insert rebellion here).
And for the record, folks, I am not even anywhere near being engaged.
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